Posted by admin | Posted in Parts And Stuff | Posted on 28-10-2009
Tags: ada, bars, bookcart, grab, handles, stainless steel grab handles
Steel Grab Handles
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 NEW TRIMCO SOLID STAINLESS DOOR HANDLE GRAB RAIL 12 US $37.50
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Lyrics. I wrote them do you think?
I feel like giving up.
It's to much for me to know, to much for me to apprehend.
Nor do I deserve so much.
Nor do I want as much
Keeping my thoughts vague has all been a mistake
I can't help it though I wish there was a cure
A cure to rescue me from this nightmare
It's a wasteful life more people deserve than I
(I leave, you grab, I float, you die.)
Grab my hand take me away.
A life not lived is a life I enjoy.
(save me now, save me, save me, save me now)
I can't handle this pressure grasping my only breath.
My veins feel like silver, slick as steel
My brain is all clog like a tissue box
My weight feels ten times more
(Save me now, save me, save me, save me now)
I wore my heart on my mouth for you.
I never thought I would regret.
Never thought I would care,
but getting pierced from the inside hurts.
really good in principle, but a few technicalities I'd improve on:
First, where's your hook? (People are dumb, we need simple hooks like "tried to make me go to rehab I say a no, no, no!" or "don't tell me what you want, what you really really want" ...I'm sure you'll recongise those songs through that one line). Get a simple phrase that sums up the whole song and use it in a chorus (some variety is fine)
I take it this is a song about love gone wrong? Or is it she's died? It's a bit unclear on the matter apart from you are hurting.
The other thing is it's phrased as a reflection on your self -if you read any of the suicide threats posed as questions on here you'll always find half of the answers are 'stop being an attention seeker' or something to that effect ...the others only care about the person not killing themselves. Humanity doesn't care that much (unless you're a rock god, in which case we compare ourselves to you and that's ok with us).
I'd try and construct a character and somehow reword it so it's not taken as a personal rant (I know, it's from the heart and that's what a song should be ...but truth is songs are business propositions -don't give the masses what they should have, tell them what they want to hear in a way that makes them feel 'superior', and make their enemies seem stupid or evil ***'s who don't deserve their attention).
Anyway, I don't want to be completely negative (wouldn't bother to answer if I thought that the song was hopeless), just thought you might like some constructive feedback. Really great lyrics in an artistic sense, but not likely to do much commercially (which is what 90% of being an artist is about, although never tell your fans / customers that -being obvious that you are selling out kills the fantasy they buy into).
Thought of any music to put to it yet?
